“I’ve just never found a dark-skinned woman to be attractive.”
During my early years of high school, I remember being a young, impressionable Black girl sitting in my math class at my PWI. I can’t recall which math class it was exactly, but I remember working on an in-class activity while I overheard three boys talking about their types. As I scribbled down numbers to look like I knew what I was doing, I found myself paying more attention to their conversation than my work. One of them – a blonde white boy – brought up the artist SZA, saying she was “bad,” and another boy – a dark-skinned Black boy – interjected, saying he didn’t think she was attractive. The white boy questioned how he could possibly think that, and the Black boy simply replied: “I’ve just never found a dark-skinned woman to be attractive.”
That conversation comes to my mind frequently to this very day. I couldn’t (and still cannot) seem to understand how someone could deem someone unattractive when they match what they see in the mirror. When they resemble their mothers. This conversation was only one of many I’ve overheard following a similar trajectory, one that often sparks debate. Are racial types rooted in racism? What makes someone attracted to one race but not another? Do we have an awareness of colorism in our romantic types?
While conversations like this are often dismissed as harmless preferences, they raise larger questions about where attraction comes from and whether our “types” are as personal as we think.
Throughout history, countless races and cultures across the world have put an emphasis on lighter skin being more beautiful. From routine skin bleaching to avoiding the sun, so many of us, particularly women of color, have been taught that lighter is better.
Despite the progress our society has made, these “ideals” remain ingrained. They continue to influence our choices, preferences, and perceptions right under our noses. When a dark-skinned Black man says he isn’t attracted to dark-skinned Black women, is it an entirely self-made preference? Or is that man under the influence of beauty standards?
Once we become conscious of the hardwiring of our brains, how can we find a way to stop it?
